Visit Me More Often

Mom,

I wish you came to visit me more often. It’s been a while since I’ve seen you. As you know, life has been very difficult for me but I’ve learned to adjust. Dad has been dad. He’s still stubborn and annoying, but he’s trying his best. Crystal is okay. She’s still in New York, trying her best to make you proud. We all are. Especially me.

Sometimes I think about how life would be if you were still here. I know a lot of teenage daughters seem to not get along with their mothers, but I think we would’ve been best friends. Now that I’m older, I see we’re just alike in so many ways. We both are girly girls, but very independent. We love others more than we love ourselves at times, because it’s easier to see someone else happy. We both are also hard workers, and love to reward ourselves. I wish I had the chance to reward you for being my mom.

I remember the last time you came to my dreams. It seemed euphoric, yet so real. It was almost like I was being shown what life used to be like, but only the happy moments. I was young and wearing a light blue dress getting ready for church. It was just me and you. It’s always been just me and you. We were eating breakfast and of course I was dragging my feet. No matter how hard I fought, I knew I would still go. It was one of those bittersweet moments. The moments were you didn’t really know it was important until it was gone. I wish you would visit more often and show me memories like that.

How is it up there? I know you’re probably the life of the party. I hope you are having fun with your mom and friends. I’m becoming less selfish of you as I’m becoming an adult. My holidays were the best but I could see the sadness in your eyes as you missed your loved ones. You tried your best to hide it, but I knew. Realizing that losing you would take you back to your mom, helped me a lot. I know you didn’t want to be here anymore, and I’m happy that the missing piece in your heart is finally filled.

Please promise me you’ll come visit me more often. With college and adulthood around the corner, I need you the most. I need your hugs. I need your reassurance. I need your advice. I need you! All of the knowledge and advice you’ve instilled in me is still there, but I feel like it would be a little stronger now that I’m an adult. My life is so stressful right now, and I need your care.

It’s been seven years, and I still feel lonely without you. A missing piece that no one can fill is gone from my heart, but I’m grateful for the little time that I had with you. We had it hard. From financial problems to family disagreements, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. I aspire to be the same mother, daughter, friend, and wife you were, and not only live my wildest dreams, but let your wildest dreams also flow through me. Thank you for everything mom. Well done.

Your youngest and favorite,
Kristina

Kristina J.