Hospital

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Waking from A Dream

Waking from A Dream

Four months of empty memories have risen from the depths of my soul after all these years. As if I’m in a dream, I see this fuzzy-headed little girl skipping circles around me as she laughs and recalls story after story of being “sick.” I suddenly realized she was me,...

Too Young

Too Young

Too young to remember it all. Too young to hear those life-changing words. Too young to grow up so fast. Too young to need to make everyone happy despite the pain. Too young to watch the Dad I knew and loved have to go through this torture, Stage 4 Glioblastoma...

Peter Crawford, a Father Figure

Peter Crawford, a Father Figure

“My father passed away from cancer when I was nine.” I know their next words after this statement: I am so sorry. Why? Because the thought of a nine-year-old boy crying himself to sleep for months makes you feel sympathy. Or that you know me now and I just blindsided...

Waking from A Dream

Even Gloomy Hospital Rooms Get Sunlight

A thin shard of sunlight sliced through the pale blue curtains in the cold hospital room, burning against my throat. “Baba” was all I managed to say. I could not tell if he was asleep or awake. His eyes were dazed and unfocused as if he could not see the room in front...

Cancer Still Wrapped

Cancer Still Wrapped

I sat down beside my eldest brother in the living room, my middle brother would not be home from college for another week. The Christmas tree was lit up vibrantly and the faint crackle of the fireplace was in the background. Then I saw my mom’s face, and I knew that...

Can a Hospital be a Playground?

Can a Hospital be a Playground?

Obviously, a hospital is not the first place that comes up when you think of a playground, but for me, Seattle Children's Hospital was my playground. I was only four years old when my baby brother was diagnosed with leukemia, and as a little kid, I didn't really...

A Word I Got To Know

A Word I Got To Know

When my mom first spoke the word “cancer” to five year old me, it had no meaning. It was just another word that I didn’t know, that I had yet to learn. I couldn’t understand why she had me sit on my bed, why she was holding my hand, why she looked so distraught. I...

Dear C,

Dear C,

I think about you in my sleep. Dreaming, of the lives you stifle breath out of, the lives you freely take. You were an accident. You were not meant to be here. A simple mutation, multiplying malignant cells at a rapid rate. Spreading to all that is good and clean and...

Waking from A Dream

Miracle Boy

Growing up I was a goofy, energetic kid. I would spend my time running all over the place, finding things to amuse me, even when I didn’t understand why. I would go out and play weird made-up games with the neighborhood kids until sunset. My energy was so kinetic, yet...